On June 4th, Euphemia from iwishyouknew will be presenting a Spanking Workshop at Passionfruit. Spanking, flogging and restraining always create interesting conversations in the store, with many customers flummoxed as to why anyone would want to engage in such practises. We put to Euphemia some of our most commonly asked questions.
Is spanking actually enjoyable, and who is spanking for?
Oh yessss, spanking can be SO enjoyable, but of course it's important to know what works for you! Spanking, or impact play in general, doesn’t have to be just a painful, rigid, serious mistress style experience. It can be for all genders, bodies, and ages and enable us to enjoy non-genital focused, sense play exploration. Spanking can magnify pleasure in other parts of the body, shake up power dynamics, be incredibly tender and gentle and make for hilarious playtime! There’s so much breadth and spectrum of how you can weave spanking into your play. Suuuuch a fun sensual practice to add to the repertoire.
What is kinky and how does that look?
Kink just means ‘a person's unusual sexual preference’, but if sex is weird for everyone and there is no normal, then nothing is necessarily kinky! We all just have different wants, needs, desires, and fantasies. But exploration allows you to interrogate your desires, and work out what your fantasies actually are. It can be as simple as taking time to ask yourself!
Why do I need to pay to learn how to hit someone? Isn’t it just whacking them?
I mean yes, it’s awesome how accessible spanking can be! But also spanking is an art form, and can take a lifetime to master knowing the positioning, rhythm, placement, technique, tips to create anticipation, magnification, and aaaaall the other good stuff.
Can I enjoy pain and submission and still be a feminist / activist?
Absolutely! Your sexual play and your fantasies don’t need to align with your values, lifestyle, or way you live in the world. Of course they need to be consensual and respectful, but there isn’t necessarily a dissonance in you or your character if who you are in sexual play is very different to other areas of life. In my opinion it’s healthy and cathartic to explore different sides of yourself in a contained, playful, respectful way!
Who benefits for the dominant position and the subordinate position?
Everyone! These roles can be very fluid. Many people think ‘dominant’ is synonymous with taking, controlling, violence and aggression. But being in a dominant position can come with a lot of tenderness, nurturing, giving, and actually be in service to the subordinate. These roles don’t need to look one way. Choose who and how you want to be.
How do I introduce kink into my life?
Good question! I suggest you use the technique of non-violent communication which we will go over in the workshop! Or if direct conversations are too confronting, use mirrors like porn, or saying you had a ‘conversation with a friend’ and get a temperature gauge with their reaction about the topic.
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